We're watching the new Star Trek and Spock just told the elders to get bent. Joe rewrote it as such.

Elder: Spock, what was the purpose of your appearance in front of the council? In five words or less.

Spock: Live. Long. And. Prosper. Bitch.

Because Joe and I (well, I) really want this house. Awesome neighborhood, right across the street from his dad. It's awesome. See for yourself:

http://908hillsidecourt.reinhartrealtors.com/

So for a couple of years now, Joe has made fun of me for my love of the MCR. "Dippy EMO band" is what he called them. The man got out of our van in Madison because he didn't want to ride to House on the Rock listening to them. To be fair it was a bunch of screaming girl-women.

So how funny is it that I come home last week to him BLARING - and I do mean BLARING - "Desolation Row"?

"Honey, that's My Chemical Romance."
"Who?"
"My Chemical Romance. MCR. Dippy EMO band. Jilli's favorite squee-band."
"No."
"Yes."
"..."
"..."
"I take it back. They are awesome. They are on the 'Watchmen' soundtrack."
"I know."
"..."
"..."
"Shut up."

Whadda dork.

A more substantial post on how my Return to LA went this past weekend (It was 99.9% AWESOME), but for now, some song lyrics that are exactly the opposite of how I feel, and yet exactly how I feel. Thanks, Neil, for helping me to be so contradictory.

In a foreign land
There were creatures at play
Running hand in hand
Needing no where to stay
Driven to the mountains high
They were sunken
in the cities deep
Livin' in my sleep.

I feel like goin' back
Back where
there's nowhere to stay
When fire filled the sky
I'll still remember that day
These rocks I'm climbin' down
Have already left the ground
Careening through space.

I used to build these buildings
I used to walk next to you
Their shadows tore us apart
And now we do what we do
Driven to the mountains high
Sunken in the cities deep
Livin' in our sleep.

I feel like goin' back
Back where
there's nowhere to stay.

Kindergarten picture:

In case you need to be reassured that there are agencies and people out there still doing things to help our neighbors and fellow community members, have a look see at the agency I'm lucky enough to work for.

However, it will enable me to get something off my chest.

While I understand the innerworkings and such of our government and for the most part, love the system and how things can operate and be successful, I don't for the life of me understand just how the fuck we, as a people of our respective states and as our country, are okay with allowing the people to vote on whether or not other people get rights or not. I don't get it. I'm happy to call myself naive and Pollyanna-like in my unbelieving, and maybe my logic is not like your Earth Logic, but correct me if I'm wrong - if we had allowed the kind of referendums and such in the 60's, the Civil Rights Movement would have been voted down CONSTANTLY. Why the hell are gay rights different? Why?

I have two English classes this semester - Lit Crit and Creative Writing. I like the class Lit Crit - lots of short stories, but not the paper-writing. Creative Writing is ... being taught by a woman who is getting her PhD in Poetry and therefore needs to teach a class or something for it. So we've been doing a lot of poetry. FOr those that know me, poetry is not something that I enjoy. I appreciate it and admire a lot of poets, but it's not a genre that rings for me.

Anyway ...

We read a Ralph Ellison piece (Flying Home) in LC and Ed Roberson's City Eclogue in CW. Both pieces had quite a few uses of the n-word. In reading to myself, I usually edit it in my head. Listening to my white, southern born and bred LC prof read Ellison aloud and say the n-word was highly uncomfortable for me. It sounded too practiced. Like in a "I don't say this word, ever, but I am going to annunciate the crap out of it so that it doesn't sound like I'm a bigot. Because I'm not."

But I had to read Ed Roberson aloud. To the class. And of course, the guy I was sitting next to saw that the n-word was being used and stopped and passed the book to me just in the nick of time for him. I stammered, I felt my face on fire, and I kept rubbing my cheeks, the entire time I read that page. I got to the word and spititoutsofast in the jopes that noone would notice I'd said it. Nevermind that they all had the damn poem in front of them and knew exactly what I had said. I told Joe about it later and he asked why I didn't Doblerize it or skip it and I didn't have an answer for him. The best I can come up with is that it seemed to do a disservice to the piece and the author to skip over the words. It was a poem about the Civi Rights movement. This was Roberson's work and if he used it, he must have meant it and wanted to use it, so how could we get the full feeling of the piece if I edited. On the other hand, it made me want to cry. Still does.

I love language, but sometimes, I hate it like woah.

So, dear FL, did I handle that right? Is ok/not ok/wimping out to edit a word you are uncomfortable with from a piece you are reading in a class? Do college profs, specifically English ones, assume that you are there to learn and won't let words - no matter how horrible you may find it - get in the way of your learning?? Cause wow that threw me.

I still feel like shit for saying it.

I am declaring today Dream Day. As the man in "Pretty Woman" says, "Everybody's got a dream! What's your dream?"

It can be ridiculously over the top, it can be for something so abstract you can barely describe it, it can be for the perfect pair of jeans that sucks everything in and makes your ass look like manna from Heaven.

Mostly, this an exercise to kind of vomit out my train of thought this morning and then I thought it would be fun to see what you guys wish for.

My Dream.

My dream is to win a modest lottery/come into a modest fortune. Nothing that will instantly set my great-great grandchildren for life, but one that would make money Not a Worry for a long, long time. With that money, we would get out of debt and buy a large house. And then, we would adopt at least three siblings.

Since I wouldn't have to work anymore, I could go to school while the kids are in school and be there when they get home. I would want my house to be the hang-out house. Lots of kids doing homework and doing kid-stuff. We'd have family dinners almost every night. We would have fun family vacations in cool places like the Black Hills and Gettysburg. Our house would become the family hang out house, too. For holidays and birthdays and anniversaries.

Joe would have his business to run, whatever that would be. We would have NEW cars. Big ones for all these damn kids.

In other words, in some ways, I want to be Michelle Duggar. Without the super-Christian viewpoint and the wearing of skirts all the time, and the outdated gender role teachings. And no 80's hair, either. But I envy her in a lot of ways. I love my family - all of it. Parents and in-laws and GiGi's and cousins and aunts and uncles and everyone. I just want more of it and the space to host them all!!

Anyway -- that's my dream. What's your dream?

So we are getting a large deep freezer from Joe's mom. And so, we are going to start freezer cooking/once a month cooking/whatever you like to call it. It should, if we do it right, aleviate some of the stress on grocery shopping and meal cooking with both Joe and I in school full time now.

I'm also going to make waffles (to freeze), granola, and buy some bulk steel-cut oats for easy breakfasts.

If you have any really great recipes that freeze well, I'd really appreciate it if you shared them with me. Truly. Anything goes - we are not a family of picky eaters.

Ok, I'm kind of picky. I don't eat liver.

Sometimes, I look at what it is I want to accomplish and thing that I am seriously trying to make up for lost time while making sure I am taking advantage of the time that I have. I’ve turned into an overachiever in my mid-thirties. I also sometimes think that I need to cut myself some slack. More often than not, I think I’m nuts. My craxy – let me show you it.

**I am working full time. With Joe out of work and going to school, I can not lose my job and our health benefits. I work for a place that pays for our really good insurance 100%. No employee contribution at all. I’m really lucky. So I try to bust my ass at work to be everything everyone wants me to be so I stay an employee in good standing and keep my job.

**I am in school full time. I am determined to finish my BA in 2.5 years. That requires about 14 credit hours a semester. Lots of night classes. I was spoiled at WCC and am actually quite terrified of starting at Eastern. The classes aren’t going to be as easy and I’m going to have a lot of hard work coming up. I’m scared I’m not as smart as I think I am. (My brain knows this is crap, but the feeling is there, nonetheless.) Studying is going to be A LOT.

**I am the new T-Ball Division Director for our Little League. The time commitment isn’t a lot and won’t really kick in until spring, when recruiting and practices and registration and everything therein starts. At most, it’s a couple of hours a month for board meetings and a couple of other events related.

**I am the new Daisy Troop leader for Emeline’s school and possibly the neighborhood. The time commitment here is a lot. Fortunately, I already have some parents that want to help and I will totally use them, shamelessly. I am really excited about it. Time to spend with Emeline (to make up for not being around much Monday – Wednesday) and also a way to get more friends for her. We will be a very badge-driven troop. I forsee lots of badge working!

**I am on the Parent Advisory Board for Reproductive Heath in the Ypsilanti Public School system. I volunteered to be Secretary, but at the time we have no chair. I am NOT going to take that role. I know I don’t have the time to commit to it.

**We are also still on the baby-train. Hopefully conceiving in time for me to have a baby in late spring (just as Little League heats up) so that I don’t miss any school time. But, babies being in a way of conceiving when they are good and ready, I can’t count on that. Silly babies.

**And, in my down time, I have my family and friends to nurture and love and spend time with.

See what I mean? NUTS. CRAXY. OVER-ACHIEVING!!

And honestly? Loving every minute of it.

It’s been an interesting spring and summer. As you all know, I had my thyroid out in May. I’ve recovered very nicely and the scar is very pretty, actually. It’s time I started Vitamin E and/or Mederma on it to get it to fade and remain supple. I’m on 125 mcG of synthroid, and after 30 days, it put my thyroid levels right back to where they should be. That, in turn, has put my cycle right back to where it should be (so far – we’ll see if the communists invade on the 23rd), so hopefully, a second pregnancy is hopefully imminent. However, on the outside chance that I might not be able to conceive, Joe and I have been talking about adoption. Michigan has a deal where, if you adopt from the pool of DHS kids, the state pays for the adoption. There is a website that has pictures and bios of the kids that are waiting for permanent placement. It’s so very sad. Like, right now there are two-year old twins, a boy and a girl, that are up for placement. They have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and had some drug exposure during gestation, but they have very little physical impairments and some developmental delays. For instance, they haven’t been walking very long, and the girl is still not running. They are beautiful. And if I could, I would go to where they are and take them home tomorrow. It was them that made me broach the subject of adoption with Joe. I was … nervous to bring it up to him. I wasn’t sure how he’d feel about adopting kids of a different race (the twins are African-American). He’s totally all for it and looked at me like I was crazy-cakes for even thinking that he would have a problem with racially different kids being ours. “If they’re ours, they’re ours. No matter what.” But we’d never talked about it before so I honestly didn’t know. Anyway, we talked about it at length, and we are going to probably adopt whether or not I get pregnant again. Ideally, we’d like to adopt siblings. We’re going to try for a biological baby for six months and in the meantime, start the paperwork with the state. The lag time is so that we can get a couple of semesters with both of us in school full time and see how we handle it. Joe’s right in thinking that we have had a lot of things going on in the past few months, so taking our time is probably prudent. And I brought up that I’m kind of baby-crazy right now, so am totally thinking with my uterus and heart right now.

On other fronts, Joe is doing great in school – as I knew he would be. He’s gaining his confidence in himself back and as a result, he and I are getting along gloriously. Our relationship is really, really great.

Emeline continues to be a four year old. I’m a bit concerned about her bouts of rage – tonight’s culminated in all toys being removed from her room and no story, song, or tickle spider for bedtime. I also laid down the law. I told her that we were done with the screaming, the hitting, the kicking, the crying, the tantrums and that the next time it happened, I was emptying her room of everything but her mattress, her pillow, and a blanket. Her eyes got big and she stopped her fit pretty much immediately. I’m going to talk to her pediatrician about it. Those with children – was this a phase you experienced?
(Random – I just found a huge pimple on my browbone and dammit it hurts. I digress.) Sometimes, it’s really hard to keep my patience in check and I find myself sending her to her room and going outside for a mom time out. But most of the time, she’s a total love. She tells us she loves us all the time and is a total snuggle bunny. She’s smart as hell, too. Last week, I wasn’t fast enough spelling words for her to write on her picture (she draws and colors CONSTANTLY) so she sounded out the words “go” and “to” and wrote them. Right there in front of me. I was astounded. With Joe in school most nights, she and I go for lots of walks and trips down to the park. She also has a bike that she likes riding and a scooter. She does a lot of imaginative play and has taken to telling stories about everything and talking to the girl in the mirror - like Anne Shirley. Hee! She needs a sibling in the worst way. Or at least more face-time with kids her own age. I’m hoping with kindergarten, she gets more friends that we can hang out with.

As for me, well, I’ve (mostly) quit smoking and am trying to get 10,000 steps in each day. I have been walking/running/biking as many days a week as possible, as well as keeping my calories at about 1500/day. I’m down about 10 lbs so far, but am taking it slow and steady this time around. It’s mostly for maintenance and not gaining weight. I have a bunch of energy and am expanding my cooking repertoire and am trying to cook more whole and seasonal foods. I’m on an organizing kick – I built a bookcase out of six vintage apple crates to house all of Emeline’s art supplies. Next up: converting kitchen cabinets from the Habitat ReStore into toy storage and getting my sewing supplies in order. Also, I need to get my machine cleaned.

We’re going to Minneapolis in a week for my brother’s wedding and I need to bust my ass on the flower girl dresses – one is 80% done, the other 0%. But, they’ll get done. The Ya-Ya’s are having a Ya-Ya weekend at my parent’s cabin the weekend of my birthday. WOOHOO!! Will be a lot of fun.

And of course, HARRY POTTER!!! WOOOHOOO!!! Ahem. I are a dork.

It’s amazing how much some synthroid and some exercise can change your outlook on life.

Me, with a saucepan in one hand and a wooden spoon in the other, banging them above my head, while running around in circles yelling, "Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter!" Quite akin to Ruprect, the Monkey Boy from Dirty, Rotten, Scoundrels.

Thriller was the first album I owned. Michael Jackson was a huge part of my childhood. And when I was first living in LA, I got the chance to meet him. At a Three Stooges Convention. LA Times story here: http://articles.latimes.com/1998/aug/26/news/ls-16462?pg=2

I was at the registration desk of the Burbank Hilton when his entourage came in. He was with T3 (Tito's sons), Tito, and some of his other nieces and nephews. He was covered from head to toe in gray silk, but that voice was undeniably his. One of his security guards asked if I wouldn't mind walking with the group around the convention. It ended up being quite an odd thing because Billy Barty was there and he and Michael knew each other. So I walked around with Tito and Michael Jackson and Billy Barty. How random is that?? I didn't take any pictures or ask for authographs because it seemed tacky. He was out for a fun thing with his family.

Anyway, it was uneventful. They took pictures, they bought memoribillia, they threw pies. I stayed in the corridor while the family was in each of the areas and helped keep other people back. I did get to speak to him and he did shake my hand. His hands looked so OLD. They were so frail looking. But he was kind and gracious and not demanding and said that he missed the midwest. I hope that in his death he is able to find the peace and acceptantance that he seemed to crave and search for in this world.

RIP Michael.

Emeline fell asleep with her lantern that Grammie and Grampie got her for reading in her room. It's been in our closet with dead batteries for about 6 months. I cleaned out our closet last week, found it, and bought new batteries last night. She is so happy, she is sleeping with it. Joe looked at her sleepingness and said, In brightest day, in darkest night, no evil shal escape my sight." from Green Lantern. Ha!!

Turns out I am a lot more upset about missing the F2F in Seattle than I thought I would be. I actually cried in the shower this morning!! I even came into work and priced last minute plane tickets!! I R dork!!

I keep reminding myself: next year. Next year it will be within reasonable driving distance. Might not have all the same players, but that is what is so awesome. It changes every year and is still a BLAST.

To all my F2F-ing peeps: Have a good time, just not, you know - too good a time without those of us who really wanted to be there. If you loved us....

SMOOCH!!

Joe didn't know it was on and it's his most very favorite musical ever. So, instead of watching more season 7 West Wing, I surprised him Chess in Concert.

I've only ever heard the music, and really only a couple of songs at that. Obviously "One Night in Bankok" and the angsty-girl songs.

I really loved it. A lot. Barb - I finally get it about Josh Groban. Never did until tonight. I bow to your knowledge.

I loved Adam, as per usual...have ever since "one Song Glory" from Rent.

As for my girl, my love, Idina Menzel ... well, I have to be honest. I kind of prefer Elaine Paige. Elaine just belts it out so much richer and more ... I don't know -- womanly?? Elaine plays it so much stronger and with much more agency - to use a word my friends are fond of. Yeah, she got caught up in love and the romance of defecting Russian lover and what not, buther realization is much more cynical than Idina's portrayal came off. In particular on "Nobody's Side" (which is now my favorite musical song).

Now, I know it was just a concert and not a true performance of the show - it is one I'd LOVE to see a revival of on Broadway - so I might not be being fair to fair Idina. But I just like Elaine's voice quality better for this show. Idina was PERFECT for Wicked and Rent. But I think the role for Florence, you need a more cynical, adult, and much richer voice.

Thoughts?

On our way to the Produce Market tonight, Emeline asked me, "Mommy, where was I when you were a little girl?"

She must know that Parent Advisory Committee is next week.

I told her that she was always in Mommy's tummy, she was just waiting for me to tell her it was time to come out.

"I had to wait until you growed up?"

"Yep. And when I grew up, I met Daddy and we got married and wanted to have a baby. So he and I made you and you came out!"

Fortunately, that was deemed Good Enough For Now, and the subject was closed for the time being.

I'm comfortable talking to her about how babies are made and where they come from, but ... I kinda wanted to initiate the conversation. However, I am still learning that what I want as a parent and what actually happens are usually worlds apart.

Of course, being me, now I'm freaked out that I've totaly fucked this up from the get go. Which I think is a very typical parental feeling.

**I know that this conversation doesn't allow for the numerous ways that babies do, in fact, come about, but since she asked just about her, I told her her story in way that I thought she'd understand. Which, she seemed to since she just repeated it to Joe.